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Tom Brady, Cut Your Hair and Don't Dance in Public Again

Tom Brady and his awful, nubby ponytail

I didn't want to do it. I tried to protect you. But I knew that it was only a matter of time before you found out. That you would one day see it for yourself. So I want to address it with you directly before it's too late. You may have nightmares after seeing what I'm about to show you, but be strong. I know you can handle it.

Jerk of the Month: Tony Parker

Eva Longeria seems to be darned close to being the perfect woman. Great figure, beautiful, talented, smart, personable. Her already fabulous life seemed to get disgustingly more perfect when she married San Antonio Spurs basketball star Tony Parker. The wedding, by the way, took place in a castle. In France. And Tony speaks French. And is super tall and handsome Yeah. Perfection

Tom Brady Whines About His Fans. And His Hair is Still Awful.

If you haven't realized it from previous posts, you know now: I do not like Tom Brady. Yesterday, he revealed that he wasn't happy with fans leaving Patriots' games early. New England fans, please take this as your queue to leave as early as possible at each and every game you attend. Watch a quarter, have a brew, and call it a day. Hey Tommy, most of your fans don't make $19 million a year, so can't afford to miss or be totally exhausted for a day at work.  So sorry to displease you.

Tom Brady, Your Hair Makes Me Hate You More

Tom Brady said this week that he doesn't like "Hard Knocks" because he doesn't like the New York Jets. My NFL allegiances are with neither team the Patriots nor the Jets, but Brady's dislike of the Jets makes me like them a whole lot more.

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