Infinity Sure Likes Athletes with High Voices

On the surface, they are good picks. Handsome, successful athletes. Who wouldn't want them to represent their products? These spokesmen are so well known and perfect--winners of world championships, they are--print ads aren't enough. These babies deserve the full-on star treatment: Their own commercials.

They arrive on set. Impressive in person. But something isn't quite right. They open their mouths. Yikes! The voices don't quite match the bodies. Awkward. You move forward with the filming because you can't back out now. The first time it happens, you only allow for a small speaking part. The next time, you give the athlete a full speaking part. Didn't you learn your lesson?

Ladies and gentlemen, the athletes I am referring to are Cole Hamels and Tom Brady. Before this year and all of the horrid Xfinity commercials, I had no idea that Brady had an affliction. That affliction is called Cole Hamels Voice. That's right--like Hamels, Brady has a surprisingly high voice. Companies, I beg of you: If you'd like these men to represent your product, please don't let them speak.

Update: My original idea for this post was to show you both a Cole Hamels Comcast/Xfinity spot, then feature one of the stupid "Professor Brady" spots for you to compare and contrast the voices. But lo! The Tom Brady ads are not to be found anywhere on these internets. Xfinity - 1, Sports Muse - 0. Perhaps Xfinity realizes the error of their ways after all.

For now, please enjoy Cole's bit part in his own commercial.

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