For the Last Time, I Don't Own Flour!

I hate cooking. And I despise baking. It is a shame that there are so many instant foods in our society. If not for them, I would likely be the size of a supermodel, as I am totally unwilling to prepare my own meals if they take longer than 10 minutes. As such, I'm a big fan of pasta, microwaveable meals, cereal and minute rice.

The primary reason why I get absolutely no enjoyment from cooking? Because I am not a patient person. If a dish is not ready in 10 minutes, I don't want it. The limit was previously 5 minutes but due to the wonders of age and increased wisdom, I have increased my level of patience.

This information in mind, you can imagine the Earth shattering nature of my decision to bake on a recent Sunday morning. I had been waiting for a day cool enough to turn on the oven to make the Harry and David scone mix I had purchased. Harry and David has some amazing stuff, but if you have a similar aversion to cooking I suggest you stay away from their mixes. I expected to find something like the following on the package: Add water to mix; Stir; Plop on a pan; Done in 10-15 minutes. But no. Harry and David is a swankier sort of mix that requires more talent than I possess or care to develop.

Imagine my shock and dismay when I discovered that the mix required me to knead the dough I created by adding water with flour. I don't own flour. That's why I bought this mix! Seriously?! It then said I was supposed to roll the dough 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 times, then fold it over into all honestly, they lost me I saw the need for flour. I did what I wanted to do anyway--plopped the dough on the pan and hoped for the best. Sure, the scones weren't pretty, but they were edible and actually pretty tasty. Bronzey -1; Everyone who follows the directions as featured on the mix - 0.

Though the situation was escaped without injury or calls to the fire department, I am still somewhat scarred by the experience. So scarred, that we are now into the 3rd week of living in our new abode and have yet to turn on the stove. That's right. I haven't even boiled water. This is mainly due to the fact that we no longer have central air and therefore have no desire to turn on anything that emits heat. But, I'm now proud of this "accomplishment" and am eager to see how long we can get by solely with the microwave and the toaster. Probably for ever, but I'm sure I'm going to get a craving for pasta at some point.

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