Philly Sports Muse Rapture Edition: Is There a Lockout in Heaven?


Philly Sports Muse is here to help answer your football questions as they relate to The Rapture. Because football will still be important in Heaven.

In case your'e not aware. The Sport Muse has an alias: Philly Sports Muse. This sister site is part of the Aerys Sports network and focuses on the Philadelphia Eagles and football. Occasionally, "cross-over pieces" are featured on this site as they are broadly applicable and entertaining (if I do say so myself). It would have been a crime (dare I say a sin?) to not have taken advantage of The Rapture madness that enveloped the internet this week.

Let’s get to this as we don’t have much time.

Philly Sports Muse and her inherent goodness will undoubtedly be among those sucked into the sky for The Rapture today. I know it’s supposed to be a good thing but it sounds kind of scary. Nonetheless, I must prepare.

So this may be good bye, friends, as I’m pretty sure you’re not all coming with me.

Like many of you, I have some questions and concerns about how this will all go down. You may think that something as historic as a biblical prophecy being fulfilled would change my focus to matters other than football. But…no.

1. The most important question for all football fans about to be raptured: Is there a lockout in heaven?

2. Assuming that the answer is no, there will be a lot if work that needs to happen to get ready for football season in heaven. Which players will make it? I’m not sure it will be enough to comprise a  roster for one team, let alone enough teams to form a league. So maybe the same team will play each other repeatedly?

I need to know how this will work.

3. Who will call broadcast the games? Joe Buck is surely not going to Heaven and that is a good thing.

4. As I imagine Heaven is a harmonious place, does that mean that I can’t heckle Cowboys fans? If that is the case it will surely mess with the balance of the universe and further disrupt the lives of my non-raptured brethren.

One last thing: Did you RSVP for The Rapture?

Come on, now. It may be the end of the world but there are still social norms that need to be observed.

Thankfully, there are tools available to the masses to help us with this uncertainty. The Rapture digs social media and has created a helpline on Twitter to answer these and other important concerns.

I would volunteer to get back to you when I find out the answers to my questions after consulting the helpline but I’m not sure there will be time. And I don’t know what the internet connection in Heaven is like.

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