Roy Williams Teaches You How Not to Propose

Someone isn't smiling about his little proposal fiasco.

My heart is not big or warm enough to have sympathy for any member of the Dallas Cowboys. As an Eagles fan, it's just not in my genetic makeup. But this story makes me almost wish that I could.

It is a story of love, the US Postal system, rejection, humiliation, deceit and stupidity. Not necessarily in that order.

Roy Williams, wide receiver on the Dallas Cowboys, felt secure enough in his relationship with his girlfriend, Brooke Daniels, to pop the question. Via mail. Not only did Williams include the ring, but also a recorded proposal.

Ladies, you now this is the romance of which you have always dreamed.

Perhaps Williams believed that the added time used to wrap, package, and purchase postage for the ring would present an offer Daniels simply couldn't refuse.

Problem is, she did. Refuse, that is.

Let's take a step back. I certainly hope he insured the package and purchased some sort of tracking/delivery notification. Otherwise, how did he know when the package had arrived? One of the many problems with this situation. Also, why would you mail the ring and proposal so that you have to wait to learn the response of your significant other? Wouldn't you want an immediate response?

And what was that first conversation like after the package had arrived but Brooke knew she wouldn't accept young Roy's advances?

Ring, ring.

Brooke: Hello?
Roy: Hey, baby. How you doing?
Brooke: Good.
Roy: Get anything interesting in the mail today?
Brooke: No, I don't think so. Oh, wait.
Roy: So what you say?
Brooke: I'm not really into it, Roy.
Roy: What?!
Brooke: You're a nice guy, but forever? Nope.
Roy: *Raises voice* I can't believe this. How you gonna do me like this?
Brooke: Sorry.
Roy: So when are you sending the ring back?
Brooke: Oh,Ithink I'm losing you. I can't hear you. I'm talking on my iPhone--I think it's about to drop this call...


Poor Roy. Humiliated and heartbroken. But at least he can return the ring and get his money back.

Oh, perhaps now is a good time to mention the ring's price tag: $76,000. Hey Brooke, you sure you want to turn this nice young man down?

As if this entire situation doesn't already scream "hot mess," Roy couldn't keep this humiliation secret. Because Brooke wouldn't send back the ring. Ladies of the world, if you say no, you don't get to keep the ring. It's just that simple. If you want to keep the ring, it means that you keep the dude. Comprende?

Ms. Daniels didn't want Mr. Williams, and when asked for the ring back she said that she lost it. I've not seen it, but I imagine that a ring that costs 76 G's is hard to miss. Giant shining stones and such. Roy knew his former love was playing and took legal action. That being the case, though, he could no longer keep this embarrassing matter quiet.

Oh, Roy. Roy, Roy, Roy. I think you could use some lessons in life, love, and common sense from Mama Muse. I know you're not receiving any paychecks right now, so I'll be easy with you on the fee. I'll take that ginourmous ring off of your hands so you don't have to worry about returning it.

I am so thoughtful. I'll also send this idea to you via post.

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