Sad News: Ben Roethlisberger's Wife Seems to Actually Exist

When I heard that Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback and resident rapist Ben Roethlisberger was getting married last year, I pitied the poor girl chained in his basement that was forced to speak sacred vows to him. That’s how I pictured it going down, at least.

Then, I never saw a picture of the young lady so absolutely knew that the young woman was just a publicity ploy made up by Roethlisberger and did not exist. She couldn’t. Regardless of your opinion of the multiple rape allegations against the QB, just look at the man. I know, I don't like to either.

Somehow it’s only today that I saw the wedding photo that you see at the top of this page.  It appears atop a post written for another site where, sadly, I had to refrain from revealing my true feelings about the brute. And sadly, that post is about the beast reproducing. I’m just slightly behind here. Unlike crazies who hate Mike Vick yet inexplicably troll my other site  to write nasty comments about him, I tend to avoid reading anything about Bathroom Ben. But I digress.

Getting back to the topic at hand: That "wedding" photo. My immediate observations:

1.       It looks photoshopped.

2.       They both look pained.

3.       I think a photo of a bride was just pasted next to a photo of Bathroom Ben .

4.       Those poor, poor guests.

5.       That poor, poor girl. She looks drugged. Even being photoshopped next to that man in a photo she has to be sedated. Sad.

Carry on. This may be nothing new for some of you but I’m reeling from the fact that the wedding I had convinced myself couldn’t’ possibly have happened seems to have. The horror. The. Horror.

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